Talking To Myself

As of today, I am my only follower on this blog. That means as I'm typing this, I'm simply talking to myself...at 1:30 a.m....over the Internet.

Awesome.

Funny conversation with a complete stranger

http://www.omegle.com

Connecting to server...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Omegle is not a dating site. Please try to have interesting conversations here!

You: Hi, is this Dell customer support?

Stranger: how dee! yes it is

You: Ah, good.

Stranger: how might we be of service to ya

Stranger: arr

You: My computer is on fire, what should I do?

Stranger: are you near explosives?

You: Yes, but they are inside my house, which is also on fire. I'm outside on a laptop.

Stranger: okay. second question: is it a dell laptop?

You: I believe so.

You: What should I do?

Stranger: prove it.

Stranger: if it's not a dell laptop i cannot send water over the telephone

You: Ok, I'm going to run inside and get it.

You: I'll be right back.

Stranger: okay

You: Ok, got it.

You: It's still burning, but I can read DELL on the side.

Stranger: alright

You: How do I fix it?

Stranger: well, i can send you water over the telephone

Stranger: it is 5$ a gallon

Stranger: do you want this help?

You: Yes, what is your prefered method of payment?

Stranger: we only accept major credit cards

Stranger: i will need your name, date of birth, social security number, credit card company and number and expiration date, and the private code on the back. this is three digits long.

You: Very well, I have to go get my credit crad which is also inside my house.

Stranger: i can wait.

You: I'll be right back.

You: Unfortunately, my wallet has burnt to a crisp, is there any other way to get your water?

Stranger: that depends. what is your place of residence?

You: I live in the United States.

Stranger: i am aware sir, you are talking to the US helpdesk

You: I live in Florida.

Stranger: you will have to be more specific

You: Orlando, Florida.

Stranger: let me see

Stranger: f... fl.. florida, o..or..orl..orla..

Stranger: sir?

Stranger: we have no record of an orlando, florida

You: Yes?

Stranger: are you on drugs?

You: That's proposterous, I demand to speak to your supervisor.

Stranger: you are talking to michael dell

Stranger: ceo and founder

You: Why hello there sir, I have a quick inquiry.

You: My Dell computer is on fire, what should I do?

You: The representative I spoke with was not very helpful.

Stranger: buy an apple

Stranger: i mean, the edible kind

Stranger: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Stranger: no no seriously

Stranger: your dell is on fire

You: That won't solve my problem.

Stranger: what was the name of the person you have just spoken to?

You: Stranger.

Stranger: i will... ...FIRE.. him then

Stranger: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Stranger: ooh this is cracking me up

You: I don't think that's necessary.

Stranger: so your.. DELL.. is going to ..HELL..?

You: This is probably just a one time mistake.

Stranger: *prrff*

You: I'm sure he's a good employee.

Stranger: well i just got word back from the helpdesk area, there was actually a guy called 'stranger' in there

Stranger: so he's lost his job

Stranger: i recommended him a job at the firefighter squad

Stranger: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Stranger: ooh this is so good.

You: Well, my computer has been burning a substancial amount of time now, I suppose that was the appropriate action to take.

Stranger: well, to hell with dell

You: What a suprising thing to hear from the CEO and founder.

You: That says a lot about your product.

Stranger: i'm not the actual ceo anymore

Stranger: i just take the throwout calls from helpdesk

Stranger: and fire people over it

Stranger: being paid about a billion a year

You: You must enjoy your job then.

Stranger: i'm judge, jury and executive

Stranger: HAHAHAHA

You: If my computer wasn't on fire, I'd be happy for you.

Stranger: yes my job kills me.

Stranger: okay okay i'll help you a little

Stranger: do you have a screwdriver?

Stranger: philips head.

You: Inside my house, yes.

Stranger: go and get it and report back to me soldier!

You: I'll be right back.

Stranger: make daddy proud.

You: I've retrieved the screwdriver Daddy, now what?

Stranger: daddy sez: go inside, open up the case that has 'DELL' written on it in an ugly typeface, disconnect the harddrive, get it and report back to me

Stranger: that way you can save your data

Stranger: all dell harddrives have water inside them so it won't burn

Stranger: it just gets really slow by the water in it

Stranger: but.. it's fireproof!

Stranger: that was my idea back in '98.

Stranger: slow computers filled with watery hard drives

Stranger: since 1990

You: Ok, I've removed my harddrive, but I would still like to put the fire out.

You: Any suggestions?

Stranger: i have a tool to put the fire out

Stranger: it's kind of a magic tool

Stranger: it will definitely put the fire out instantly

You: Is it water for $5 a gallon?

Stranger: no no, it's much easier

Stranger: like an insiders secret

You: I'm interested.

You: What is it?

Stranger: i will tell you but after this you must swear not to tell anyone else about this, ever ever ever

You: I promise.

Stranger: okay

Stranger: here is the magic tool: TIME

Stranger: put enough time in the fire and it will stop burning!

You: How do I acquire time?

Stranger: for a house, i would say.. 6 hours

Stranger: that is easy

Stranger: i am sending you 6 hours of time now

Stranger: all you have to do is wait 6 hours

Stranger: and the fire will be out

You: Why thank you.

Stranger: you're welcome

You: What should I do in the meantime?

You: 6 hours is a long time.

Stranger: make prank calls to the dell helpdesk?

You: lol, u stayed here a lot longer than most people :P

You: most ppl just leave after the first sentence

You: XD

Stranger: it seems you have met your match

You: indeed

You: i had no response

Stranger: now there must be a showdown

Stranger: currently i have the tactical advantage so you have to come up with a showdown method

You: me method is swapping credit card information, you first.

Stranger: how will that decide who of us is greater?

You: more $$$ = more power

Stranger: i just told you my salary.

You: My salary is based on a mathmatical formula:

You: (Your salary) + $1 = My salary

Stranger: the fact that i would never give a single soul my credit card number means it has access to an almost infinite amount of money

Stranger: infinity + 1 = infinity

Stranger: resulting in the same standoff

You: In that case, we have a stalemate.

Stranger: so we do

Stranger: but i bet i look better than you.

Stranger: even without the toupet i am HOT

You: when i have my make up on, I'm a beautiful french model with a perfect body

Stranger: who goes by the name of..?

Stranger: that's a long name.

Stranger: even if it were Patrick Mbutu i would not believe you anymore

Stranger: you are *so* googling for french model names

Stranger: check

You: my name is bob.

Stranger: , a beautiful french model with a perfect body, once bob gets his makeup on

You: exactly ;)

Stranger: so, how about telling me something...

Stranger: ..FRENCH

You: bon jour, maddame

Stranger: ouch.

You: sacre bleu?

Stranger: ^^

Stranger: you are not very convincing

Stranger: , bob.

You: Let's go back to English.

Stranger: i suspect you of being a liar

You: do u have any proof?

Stranger: in my book that is right under the 'signed death warrant' list

Stranger: i have just proven myself

Stranger: liars respond analytically when confronted with their crimes

Stranger: any ordinary citizen would just try and prove their innocense

You: i find your accusation to be frivolous, and i believe you are supressing some very angry emotions causing you to be skeptical about everything and everyone around you

Stranger: here are the facts. you have given me a name to call you by and you have given me a location where you reside --true or false--. at this moment you know nothing of me.

Stranger: 2-0, baybee

You: true, i have been generous to give you this information

You: why dont you return the favor?

Stranger: you are very confronting, i like that

You: I'm also fat.

Stranger: instead of trying to steer the conversation so i will tell you myself, you ask me for it directly

Stranger: a change in strategy... you are evolving

Stranger: still i am always a step ahead

You: I will continue to chase you, no matter how many steps ahead you are.

You: Becasue one day, I'll catch you.

Stranger: that's nice, because since the first rule (i am always at least 1 step ahead of you) is always true, i will have to do nothing to get any further, since your actions to improve will also improve me

You: this logic works assuming I never reach perfection. Once again, we'll be in a similar situation of (infinity + 1 = infinity), and that is when I will catch you.

Stranger: touche pussycat!

You: touche indeed

Stranger: but are you aware of the fact you are using the same argument i have used about 10 minutes ago?

Stranger: this proves the theorem

Stranger: so until you reach infinity i will just sit on my ass and become a better person

Stranger: and infinity is a hard place to reach in a human lifespan

Stranger: still i admire you for trying

You: that only strengthens my desire to attain perfection and overtake you.

Stranger: oh my dear bob, so much to learn.. perfection isn't about overtaking people, it means you have abolished all forms of inner hatred towards others

Stranger: it means you will be a perfect and harmonious human being

Stranger: once you reach perfection, we will have a beer somewhere

Stranger: and talk about how to make the world a better place for future civilizations to live in

You: In that case, I'll just kill you, eliminating my hate.

Stranger: still, how can you kill me if i am the cause of you reaching perfection?

Stranger: you just don't see it do you, bob-san?

You: This is quite a conundrum.

You: I can only attain perfection if you are alive and at the same time, my hate for you prevents me from attaining it.

Stranger: exactly. and if you remove the hate, there are no obstacles for you anymore!

You: My only option is to learn to love you.

Stranger: and everyone else on this planet

You: I'll start with you.

You: I love you.

Stranger: i love you too bob.

You: One down, 6 billion to go.

Stranger: on the up side, 6 billion is a hell of a lot less than infinity

You: indeed

Stranger: hey stranger, pleasure talking to you

Stranger: not that i'm going right now

You: you too, i must go now

Stranger: oh

You: oh

Stranger: haha

Stranger: okay

You: well

Stranger: well nice to have met you

You: i was serious

You: you too

You: it was an honor :)

Stranger: so it was

Stranger: one day we'll have that beer

You: i await that day

You: bye now

Stranger: bye

You have disconnected.

Power Outage

How long would you last without electronics if the power went out?

My record is 5 minutes, and I'm sure that's how long most of you would last too.

The 50-50-90 Rule

Ok, after playing Sudoku for probably 10 minutes, I'm convinced that the 50-50-90 rule is a fact.

Basically, "Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong."